Return
by IlonaSuruna
Summary: My first fic ever. I just have thought what might happen if Raistlin and Crysania get their one night together... You know you want to read it! And again, forget the disclaimer... characters are not mine


The night was like every other night. To Crysania, they all were like the others. But this one stood out from that dark chain of almost similar moment which normal people – the seeing ones – called days and nights. It was the first warm night of the year and told to Crysania that summer had really begun in Palanthas. The sound of silent prey came from the main temple to the peaceful wing where she and her assistants slept.

Suddenly she woke up from her black, dreamless sleep. She looked around the room – the old habit that she just cannot let go. Of course, there was nothing, nothing to see neither nothing to sense. She hadn't expected anything else.

Crysania had done this a lot lately. Strange, restless feeling that woke her up night after night had become almost familiar. She rose, left her bed and moved slowly and carefully to the window and opened it. The sweet scent of temple's garden floated in with heavy, storm-preventing air. The wind that had blown hardly just a couple of hours ago, was now gone.

Something was happening. And she was worried about it.

While Crysania was still staring out of the window with her blind eyes, the darkness behind her was becoming deeper. It moved restlessly, and thickened slowly to shape of a man. The black shadow walked almost silently across the room, but not enough. Crysania could still hear it come closer. In some reason, she didn't escape. The feeling told her that there was nothing to be afraid of.

Shadow hesitated, like it would have heard her thoughts – then it walked closer again. Suddenly she could hear his breath – somehow she was now sure, that the something, some_one_ in there was a man –, and she could feel the tender touch of his long, thin fingers, smell herbs and powders around him as she turned to him and opened her mouth to speak, but the dark figure had pull his finger against her lips and she said nothing.

"Close you eyes", he said, with voice as calming as Crysania had remembered it to be. "It can hurt a little, but trust me. It won't last long."

It was easy to trust. After all, she had trusted a lot during the past couple of years. She had, too, had to go through many disappointments and pains because of her childish trust. It was a kind of miracle that she still had more trust remaining. And now Crysania wanted to trust. She wanted to know, oh, how much she wanted it, that there was something, something in her blindly trust in which she hadn't been so wrong, which she hadn't misunderstood so badly. She wanted to know that her love, her lost, her sacrifice hadn't been so meaningless as she had thought, that she hadn't deceived so completely as everybody had told her.

It wasn't exactly a pain what Crysania felt. It was more like heavy, unbearable but still kind of a gentle strength that pushed her body and her mind, a power of ancient spells, which all were more powerful than she – or anybody – had seen before. But it wasn't dark magic, not entirely, and not just another healing prey amongst all the others that hadn't healed her eyes. It was almost like that power she had felt when she had decided to give her life to Paladine and become to one of his priests. After that she had felt it many times, like in Istar at the time of the Cataclysm. It was the power of her god.

But how can it be, holy power of Paladine, in those hands, which were almost as cursed as the power was sacred? And, like it wouldn't have been enough already, when those hands belonged to someone supposed to be dead for years.

Suddenly the power was gone. Crysania heard the man breathing heavily. His finger slide down from her lips and he retreated slowly, still trying to caught his breath.

"Now, open your eyes", he said between his quiet coughes.

"I can't", Crysania answered. "I'm blind. Nothing can chance it."

"In the name of Paladine, open your eyes", he said with louder, stronger voice. "We had a deal. My body, your vision. Trust me, you can do it. He wouldn't betray me when it is about you."

Crysania was afraid – both of that she would find that her vision was still gone, and what if it truly was given back to her. But her will to trust was already winning, and so was her curiosity. Slowly she did what he demanded, and the first thing she saw with her newborn eyes was the bright light of full moon, Solinari, shining behind her and lightning the room around her, just like she had remembered. Then her eyes was caught by that dark figure, a man in the black robe, standing in the shadows and watching her with a little smile on his pale face.

"Am I just dreaming?" Crysania whispered through her half-opened lips and take a step towards him, waiting that at any second, just before she would get near enough to touch him, he would be fading to the shadows as he had done in one of those desperate dreams she had been dreaming almost every night since his death. "Am I going to wake up soon and find that all that had been just a wistful dream, that my vision is not returned, that you are still dead and –"

"I am still dead", Raistlin answered softly. Crysania had to think hard what was the difference between that face she remembered and this, which she could now saw in front of her. That was the little, bitter grin, which had always been on his face, or more likely its lack of existence. Now, there was no grin – nor a smile. Raistlin was more serious than ever, exept those few times Crysania had seen him with his black magic. With his mighty strength, horrible but still magnificent art which he had given his entire body, soul and heart to…"And you will be as blind as you were when you wake up next morning. At the morning this night has never existed at all. This all had been just a sweet dream, or a nightmare if that is what you want. But until dawn it all belongs to us."

It was the offer. And now Crysania could see, that Raistlin was almost scared. Scared of what she would decide. Scared of what would happen, if she chose to refuse, if she sent him back to where ever he had bringed back from. During that very same second Crysania memorized, that Raistlin had truly been afraid of the darkness; the emptiness, the blackness of the night, which had always entangled aroud him as the black robe that he wore as the mark of blessing from his god. Same silent, shapeless evil that had trapped him at the corner of his short, shaded life and finally killed him far, far away from the open sky and the daylight, which was so warming and safe that it reminded him of the embrace of his twin brother….

"Don't", Raistlin forbade her. His voice, which has been so soft until this, had caught a sudden, sharp sound, what made Crysania start and took a step backawards. Raistlin noticed the reaction – of course he did, his steely, ice blue eyes seemed to notice everything! – and gave him a little, sad grin.

"That is not me, not anymore", he said, again with his quiet, plesant voice. "At this moment, it hasn't never even been me. At this moment there is no past, no future, nothing but this night. There is no others; no gods, priests, magicians or brothers."

Crysania stood still. How Raistlin did it? Why he, just his presence, affected her like this? Made her feel herself so young, so numb, and so stupid… Made her want to run away from him and still come closer, attracted her at the same time she was aware of all the dangers what came within that feeling… It scared her. And still she knew that she was more protected than never before.

"Is there something, what you want me to do for you?" Crysania asked after a long silence. In that question were all what was still remaining of her healty suspicion against Raistlin's so tempting offering. Again, she had to trust him. She couldn't force herself to do anything else.

"Only a little thing", Raistlin answered. "For this night, you have to give up this."

He lifted his arm and placed his fingers to Crysania's chest, slightly above the white canvas and the Medal of Platinum Dragon under it. Crysania shivered, when its familiar weight was suddenly gone.

"If you wear it, you will give your every step to him", Raistlin said quietly. "Crysania, please, trust me."

That was the second time in that evening, when Raistlin asked her to trust. It was her last chance to say no. She knew, that it was what she would have to say…

"I trust", Crysania answered. Now, it was not possible to retreat. Her whole world, all that she saw, all that even existed, was in that sharp gaze, and the hand that he was offering. Crysania took it, and the burning heat spread through her veins when she followed him into the dark night. Now, there was no bright moon, no Solinari, no Paladine to guard her steps, nobody but the mighty Master of Past and Present by her side.

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The morning was dark. Truly, it was very beautiful, sunny and fresh after night's storm. But Crysania couldn't see anything of it – her eyes, burned, cursed, marked by her own sins, were as blind as they had been last night when she had gone to bed. And they hurt so badly that Crysania wanted to scream, like it would have been only days since Raistlin had abandoned her in the Abyss to become a god himself.

Raistlin. What about the last night? Had she just dreamt again? Like a dream, it was now fading away in the sunlight and like every dream does, seeming so foolish and shameful. She thought she could still smell his scent in her chamber, but soon she realized that it came from the garden, through the open window…

Window truly was open. Crysania hadn't opened it before she had gone to bed; no one else had been in the chamber since that. And still, it was wide open. It had been wide open for a whole night, what Crysania realized when she almost fell down in the wet floor. Why she hadn't heard the rain?

The pain of her eyes was slowly ceasing, but Crysania still wanted to scream louder and louder, to gods, to Paladine – the Medal of Platinum Dragon was again under her robe, against her chest –, until it would echo to the darkest corners of Abyss and _he_ would hear it.

Raistlin had abandoned her again.

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"Just tell me. Why you had to do it?"

Raistlin didn't answer. He was very aware of those who stood around him, with anger, with, disappointment, and one, just one with a little smile on his face.

"Those are things between me and her", he said finally.

"But why? What benefit you could possible got from it?"

What he could answer? He had saw Crysania's eyes healing – he had healed them himself, made it all up to her. He had got a chance to taste life again. Had let to feel his magic, only for a one night but still. Had got but a chance to fix some of his own stupid mistakes, to cause a little worry to those who were now here to judge him. And, for that one night, had got Crysania to himself entirely.

"No benefits for me", Raistlin answered and faced the god's face with a small, ironical grin, which he knew would cover all of the possible feelings from his face."Maybe some pleasure, you know. A little bit of human passion to warm my cold body in the Abyss. But not benefits."

He was teasing them. And they knew it. But they cannot be sure.

"You wouldn't have done it."

"But how could you know? I made sure that especially you couldn't see that."

They all could now remember the Medal. The Medal, which could have been anywhere, exept where it was supposed to be.

"Its frustrating, itsn't it?" Raistlin asked softly. "You can't ever be sure. Do I lie? Or do I speak the truth? Is she still yours? Is she still pure, or shamed, tainted by that darkness that lives inside me? I am what I am – can I chance? Can I? Do you believe that I could possibly had _loved_ Crysania?"

Raistlin almost spitted the word from his mouth. It didn't matter to him. Had he loved or had he not. Had he only looked for that one momen't passion, without anything deeper. Had he lied to gods. Had he just used them to get taste the life once more. There was nothing that would matter anything for that restless soul in dead body what he was.


End file.
